


And I'll be holding on to you

by lighteningboltfanatic



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Evan "Buck" Buckley needs therapy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, mentions of trauma, mentions of tsunami
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:07:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighteningboltfanatic/pseuds/lighteningboltfanatic
Summary: After a rough shift, Eddie helps Buck begin to get through some of his trauma.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 121





	And I'll be holding on to you

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Holding onto You by Twenty One Pilots

It had been a rough day, to say the least.   
They had had three back to back calls that were pretty rough, each ending in at least one death or severe injury. 

Buck had barely spoken after the last call where a neighbourhood block fire killed three people; a twenty-three-year-old guy, an elderly man, and a five-year-old girl. 

It had been rough for everyone but Eddie noticed his boyfriend was extra quiet and when he connected the dots he assumed that it had felt all too close to home for Buck. 

The second that shift was over, Buck was gone before Eddie could even try to get a single word out, his jeep long gone before Eddie had even gotten outside. 

Eddie just sighs, bidding everyone farewell before driving over to Bucks.

He stops by his house to quickly pack an overnight bag because Chris is staying the night with Abuela so he just wants to be with Buck, needs to be. 

He uses his key when he gets to Buck's, sighing as he steps in and immediately his eyes fall on his boyfriend at the kitchen table. 

Despite only being there less than an hour before Eddie, he's already three beers in and onto his forth. 

"What are you doing here?" Buck asks while not even looking at Eddie, his voice cracking and heavy with pain and memories, of what, Eddie can only imagine. 

Eddie has his own fair share of trauma and bad memories but he sees a therapist now, Buck doesn't even talk about half of it, not in any detail anyways. "Came to make sure my boyfriend was okay." Buck laughs but it's not humorous whatsoever, it's sad and full of pain. 

"Of course I'm not okay. You should leave while you still can. I attract death, Eddie." Eddie rolls his eyes but refrains from saying anything that could make this worse as he sits down. "No, you don't, Buck." Buck laughs as hollow and pained as earlier, finally lifting his head to look at Eddie and Eddie almost breaks at the pain pouring from his boyfriend’s eyes. 

"I don't, huh?" Eddie shakes his head but Buck isn't done, "First, my grandpa died less than a week after I had stayed with him. Then my best friend got in a car crash and died, a car  _ I _ was supposed to be in!" Buck's yelling by the end but he needs to let it out, so Eddie lets him. 

"Then my brother, the man who raised me, died and I watched it happen. Grandpa died, Ryan died, then Luke died. Red died." Tears are slowly beginning to drip down his face as he takes a hefty swig of beer. " _ I _ died Eddie. For nine minutes, I was dead and I've almost died a ton of times, but unlike everyone I've ever cared about, I lived. Why me? Why not them?" Eddie gathers Buck into his arms quickly as Buck grips tightly at his shirt, sobbing heart-shattering sobs.    
Eddie can’t imagine the pain Buck feels. Buck may wear his heart on his sleeve but he also keeps his life and his past close to the chest. Eddie only knows so much and he doesn’t ask either, although maybe he should.    
Eddie couldn’t imagine going through any of what Buck has gone through. 

Losing his grandpa who Buck has said was one of his favourite people (only docking under Luke). Then losing his best friend in an accident he almost was in, an accident that happened over fifteen years ago yet Buck still blames himself for. Then his brother died, the man who raised him and was definitely Buck’s favourite person, and despite the fact that Buck couldn’t have done anything, he still blames himself for it too. Then Red died and that tore Buck up because again, someone he cared about, even someone he didn’t know for very long, died and he couldn’t do anything about it. The firetruck and the pulmonary embolism and the Tsunami and the lawsuit, things that wouldn’t happen in most people’s lifetimes let alone in a year. 

Yet Buck powered through and came out stronger than ever. 

"Luke would be proud of you, Buck." Eddie says earning a loud sob but he knows Buck needs to hear this, "You survived because you needed to. None of them should've died but neither should you, Buck. And I swear, I bet Luke is watching you and he is so proud. I bet they all are." Eddie kisses his forehead, meaning every word of it.

Buck sniffles a while longer, eventually pulling away only to rub his eyes and let out a soft yawn, clearly exhausted. 

Eddie pecks his forehead which earns him a soft smile, gently running his hand through Buck’s sweat-coated curls. 

"That call was hard, yeah?" Buck nods, laying his head in the crook of Eddie's neck. "Why don't we get to sleep, alright?" Buck only nods, letting Eddie pull away to quickly clean up before Eddie pulls Buck to his feet, the two weaving through the apartment.

Eddie guides him upstairs, taking the brunt of his weight as he keeps both of them from falling down the stairs. 

Eddie lays Buck down first, carefully helping him out of his clothes but when Eddie tries to stand up, Buck grabs his wrist quickly stopping him.

"I gotta change mi amor." Buck groans but let’s go. 

Eddie just quickly strips off his shoes, shirt and jeans before climbing in next to Buck, the two holding each other tightly and basking in each others warmth and love.

Eddie understands they’re both gonna have both moments, but with Buck, he could imagine this. He could imagine living with Buck through all the rough moments, and all of the good moments.    
Eddie really loves Buck, definitely always will. 


End file.
